Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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