Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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