great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
