Don't you send me to vm
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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