Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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