Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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