she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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