bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
