We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
