I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
