I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
How's work?
Spinning.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
