So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I pour the whiskey from now on
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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