I'm drive I can fine osifer
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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