the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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