Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
