His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize