there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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