so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
