I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Randomize
