One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
