She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
