So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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