then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
