Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
