So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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