it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
