i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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