ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
