There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
