Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
