Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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