why didn't you poke me back
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
