i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
