Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize