This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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