My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
