farters have to be the big spoon...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
