careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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