Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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