The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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