ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
