I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
