Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Randomize
