I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
