I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
