He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
