Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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