i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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