I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
