I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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