yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
