Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
