I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
