saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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