My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
