Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
