Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
