it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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