now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
