did you get engaged???
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
