True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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