He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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