She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
