Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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