I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
