I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
