I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
even my farts smell like vagina
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
