what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
