you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
