U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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