just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
