I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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