so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
