Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
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