That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
