Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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