FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize