i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
