i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
