Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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