is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
