You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
