I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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