i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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