if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Dear god my vagina.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
