We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
