Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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