oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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