if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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