Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize