I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
