I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
