i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
