All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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