If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
