you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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