chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
