if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
