Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He did a backflip because drugs
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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