what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Damn victory sex feels great
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
