I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
