a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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