I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Randomize
