I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I could fuck to npr.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize