...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
