I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
