Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
