i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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