Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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