I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize