my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
