Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
