I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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