So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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