Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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