So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
