I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
