I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize