Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
